Archives for the month of: January, 2012

IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG. I gotta get better at this. 

Anyways, HI. I missed blogging. It’s like meditation, only better because you can trick yourself into thinking people read what you say! 

SOOoooooooOoooOOoo. A lot has happened. My goodness.

I have successfully dealt with several stupid people in a mature and calculated manner. I sent my college application in. I not only achieved a 90 degree left arabesque, but also did a fish dive with a partner only an inch taller than me and didn’t fall on my face! I selected a song for my audition for Beauty and the Beast, watched my brand-spankin-new-remastered copy of the cartoon movie, and spent time with me sister! I’ve gotten closer to my close friends and reached a comfortable and cute but not lazy level with the current object of my affection. I have stuck to my spiritual goals pretty well (kind of), I got my permit (finally)(kind of embarrassing)(I don’t tell anyone)(But the internet), started driving, drove a figure 8 BACKWARDS. SUCCESSFULLY. I whipped my show choir into shape, handled some BS B.S. Hung out with some new-er friends and got tight, tried new food, got big, got little, Quit fastfood, discovered my path, fell in love, bought my prom dress, watched Battle: Los Angles (really good movie, clever writing/filming), danced to Sinatra, learned new bass notes on the piano, Skyped with my best friend ever, received amazing wisdom and passion, found out my phone’s name (Hatty Hong- Asian Drug Dealer), been more active, threw up on and cleaned my new UGGs, practiced cold-reading monologues, got a new black leotard, had a digestive issue (Thanks, Wendy’s), cleaned out my closet, learned an 18 count audition dance, nailed a double, stayed at my boyfriend’s overnight, woke up from a text from his mom reminding me to get him up for hockey in the morning, found the red solo cup song <3, cut my own bangs, grew out my nails, and gained some timeless advice from Jimmy John’s.

In a nutshell, it’s been a pretty fucking eventful couple weeks. 

I love a lot of things. I’m learning a lot of things! Not in school, necessarily, but I Am learning, and that’s what counts. I wish I could spend all day errday in the studio. Or on a stage. Or infront of a piano practicing. But I can’t and until I can, I will fight my way through my tragic suburban, middle-class existence, on to a better tomorrow!

Wish me better luck blogging. 


Since I have been talking about all those changes, let me fill in the blanks on one part of my story. This guy I’m dating is huge step outside the lines for me.

I consider myself a very artsy, geek of a girl. And he is every bit the popular football/baseball/hockey guy. Friends with everyone, yet humble and intelligent. Total teddy bear. Momma’s boy. Not much of a talker when it comes to emotions and not so much into PDA. Sweet and compassionate, yet subtle. A man’s man.

Which seems perfectly normal, if I hadn’t been used to dating the artsy guy. Girly, with a knack for conversation (manipulation) and music. Throw a dash of handsome and charming on top of it all. Super sensitive, female emotionals. Fussy, clingy, suffocating. Plenty of sexual pressure. All sorts.

So if you compare the two……….. wowza.

This is all new for me, and it’s been wonderful so far. (I find all this pertinent to the whole “turning over a new leaf” thing) His family is great, I love them and they love me. Me and his mom get along Beautifully. His brother is my buuudddyyyyyyy and so are their animals (three dogs and two cats). And he has gained the Unanimous approval and support of all my friends and family, which isn’t a huge deal, but is super nice to know.

And he treats me soo so well, better than I have been for a while, if Ever. Sure he doesn’t text me 24/7 or call me every single night before he falls asleep, but he shows me his feelings in a million other ways, from taking me out, to thanking me for the little things, and for Giving me the little things.

He has helped out a good bit, what with my opinion of myself and how I handle some things. He’s changing how I see some things, especially football and hockey games (ahahh).

Iiiii dunno. I thought I’d fill my dedicated followers in on what makes me tick, what makes me happy. Because he’s a huge piece of it.

So in lieu of my personal changes, I’m going to broach the highly controversial topic of: Church.

I attended church Sunday morning for the first time in probably two months because the church my mother goes to is more like a run down nursing home than a place of worship. I went to a local evangelical methodist church (oh no I’m into the nitty gritty) with a super relate-able, down-to-earth Reverend. And not only did I attend this church the morning after new years eve, I also attended after making love with my boyfriend for the first time. (Oh, and I went with him and his family to the service.)

Not expecting much we took our places and settled in for the sermon. Not only did the message fit in harmoniously with recent events, it has incited the changes in myself that I have been looking to make.

Now, for all you non religious folk, I’m sorry if you think I’m wasting my time and blahdeblahdeblahh. Think of it as Less about the God/Jesus/Christianity aspect and more about the meditation and introspection. We relate ourselves so a person we hold high in esteem that accomplished many good things for a lot of people in his time. This one person just happens to have lived a couple thousand years ago. But anyways, in that comparison, you aren’t tearing yourself down, you aren’t resigning to going to Hell, you simply identify the Characteristics within yourself that You are uncomfortable with or that You wish to change. There is no “have to” in church, only what You think that You “have to” do. It’s allllll relative. 

Now, the changes I have been looking to make are quite…obscure. Even I am unsure of their exact nature. But what I do know is this: The goals proposed to me in one hour and a half service have brought me farther than any introspection I did on my own. 

I see this as a good thing. Because I don’t know about you guys buuuuttttt…if someone asked me to build them a bookshelf, I would have no clue how. And it’s a lot easier to build a bookshelf with a master contractor helping you every step of the way than it is to try and figure it out on your lonesome. 

So I see attending church as a sort of weekly (or daily) session of guided introspection. And the more often and more (lol) Faithfully you do it, the more precise you can get. Going once a month doesn’t really help a lot because Hey, a lot of shit goes on in just 30 days. If you go every week, or even every Day, you can look at closer at the things you do and say, how you handle different situations, and who you are, or who you’d like to become.

For me, this is exactly what I’ve been looking/searching/waiting for. It might not be for everyone else out there, but hey. This is My blog. And I’ll probably end up talking a lot more about introspection from here on out.

Wish me luck ❤