Archives for the month of: December, 2011

And I’m finding some things out about myself. Ewwwwie ewie eww. I am one of those girls. The ones who want one thing: Attention. I even sleep text my boyfriend dumb, troublesome things. I’m still a bitch in my sleep!!!!! omg >.>

 

This is an obnoxious self advancement. And I will officially be taking steps to change.

 

Ugh

Seems like a good time for a post. And seeing as the time is late, and I am so so tired, it is dawning on confession time.

I am scared of the dark. Not because the dark itself is scary. The darkness is lovely, warm and comforting. But the things my mind hides behind that facade… That is what scares me. Starting this past summer I have had some of the most terrifying dreams to date. Just ask my cabin mates from band camp. I had a night terror and screamed bloody murder for two minutes before I woke myself up. My friend told me in all seriousness that I “was possessed”. Another said she’d never been more scared of a noise in her entire life. One girl said she thought I was being tortured. The girl next to me said she thought someone was skinning a live animal outside. Our cabin mom said her blood ran cold and she didn’t move or fall back asleep until the sun came up and the breakfast cadence sounded.

But none of them were inside my head that night.

There were these creatures….Well it didn’t start like that. It started on the practice field. It was an O.K. rehearsal, but of course we were tired, hot, and thirsty as usual. We were dismissed for a “Splash and Go” by the director. But instead of running off the field to swarm the 12 water coolers like usual, everyone slowly slowly made their way off the field. And as everyone was taking their sweet time, there was a change. Like that feeling when you’re in a crowded room and you feel the atmosphere electrify as someone gets Upset or starts Arguing. But this was very specifically a type of Distortion. In your dreams, nothing can happen, so I looked around for the source of the change. And saw a few quieter students beginning to contort. Just flexing and stretching at first, but then it moved…beyond human. Beyond what’s natural, or even possible. Then they changed, slightly and subtly towards something, for lack of a better word, demonic. Even my close, dear friends, everyone was contorting, bones breaking, jaws gnashing, crawled towards the coolers. On their way, some students got impatient and began to feed on each other. At which point blood curdling screams erupted in my dreams. Looking around desperately for help, I saw that even the friendly camp pets and changed, black and dark and shadowy and terrible. Their jaws unhinged to let out sounds worthy of the underworld. In a moment, I went from calm to fleeing for my life, adrenaline pumping through my veins, shutting off my throat and ears. I sprinted to my cabin for hope of safety, refuge. I jumped the steps, slammed through the entry door and banged it shut. I fell right into the room I shared with 6 others and threw a fridge and a table in front of the door. But they were still coming. The blinds were up and I could see the monstrosities taking places on the field. Pure terror seized me, and at the last moments of this..this night Terror, the animals were squeezing through impossibly small vents snarling and salivating and in a last ditch effort I pushed past the lump in my throat and screamed, screamed for a quick death, for salvation, for my Life, for anything.

I’m assuming this is the point I woke myself and everyone else up.

But that’s not even the best part. When I woke up, it was still dark, and everyone who had been awoken was panting and talking, inquiring, frightened. And my mind told me the dream wasn’t over. I swore, though I have told no one this personally, I Swore the animals were still there. They circled my bed. They crawled into my suitcase, my fridge, my blankets and sheets. And there was more than the animals. There were faces. Haunting red and black and yellow faces.

Needless to say… I haven’t taken Melatonin since.

But those dreams still haunt me. I lie in bed at night and fear those mutations, those animals… My rational brain can handle it just fine during the day, but after the dark comes to put me to sleep, these visions come back. They come back and sit. And wait.

And That is what keeps me awake at night.

Today, inspiration was borne to me via twitter. It goes something as follows:

Even though I’m being a hipocrite, people that won’t follow me back piss me off.

HwhAt? Is this truly a peer of mine?
And then I thought…is this society?
Hmmmm…on the inevitable stream of consciousness I found myself facing the things I, as a self-proclaimed no judging zone, am a total hypocrite about. I don’t like the way so-and-so dresses, but sure enough, you’ll find me wearing my own interpretation of it next week.
Is it just me, or do I and the rest of the world’s population of women function on this notion?
And not just about clothing either, ladies.
Has anyone observed or questioned the peculiar circle that forms when large groups of couples do the grinding thing? It is not the men that are looking at each other. For them, grinding is serious business to be focused on.
No, you can see the girls, looking around, waving to each other, checking out whom every other girl happens to be dancing with. And how many of those girls will gossip about how slutty- or reserved- that one girl was dancing, only because they, as self-proclaimed “non-sluts” were checking out the social “norm” in their little circle?

Food for thought, from the inside.

-ebony